Getting Over Herself
by DirtyRomantic007
Summary: A quick oneshot about Astrid coming to terms with being a part of a relationship.


She didn't like the idea of being "His". She didn't want to BELONG to anyone. The claustrophobic idea of being owned was definitely not something she ever wanted. She could do whatever, whenever she damn well pleased. He wasn't in charge of her! "You're mine." he had sighed. What was that? She was HIS? Ha! No, she belongs to her and he…well he just…he belongs to…him? Her foot let off the accelerator a little, realizing absently she was speeding.

No. No Hiccup, well he belongs to her. Like, like he's HER independent…free willed…man. To own him, that was another story. She wanted to own him so that no other girl had a right to look at him, let alone touch him! He was hers damn it and no one else's. She knew it was hypocritical of her to think that way but she wanted to own him in the sense that he could do whatever he wanted, just not with anyone else. He could still be him, he could still be free, but his love and his body…his interest and his intelligence all belonged to her. Those intimate conversations they had where they talked about kids one day and what they planned to do…together. The ones where they held each other and let their minds wander, talking aloud so that the other could follow their train of thought. The understanding and safety of knowing the other didn't care if what they said was ludicrous. It was just them. Those were hers! No one else was allowed to know Hiccup so fully and intimately.

When she thought of it that way she calmed down. Her heart she noticed was beating fast still but her panic was subsiding. She no longer felt the urge to run, and instead started to miss him. She pulled over. If that's what he meant. If that's the way he felt when he said she was his…she would be his. There would never be anyone else. She would never let anyone else that close. Those conversations and feelings were his. She was…she was his. A new feeling swept over her, one of belonging, of contentment. She didn't belong TO him but she belonged WITH him. They had equal ownership of each other, they were partners. THAT she could do. THAT she wanted, more than anything.

His face when she'd freaked out on him haunted her now. She whipped the car around in an illegal U-turn, but who carried? It was three in the morning. It had been such a sweet moment, laying there in their post-coital haze and he'd sighed and whispered his confession of ownership to her. It had hit a nerve and made a cold sweat brew in her stomach at the time. She had been with men who thought she was an object. A conquest. A win or a notch in their belt, nothing else. She'd thought he was different. Looking back now she knows he is. He'd done more for her, been there more for her than any other human being had since her parents died. It was the little things sometimes.

She had stormed out grabbing the first set of clothing she saw and made a break for her car. In her haste she of course grabbed his shirt and her shorts. She couldn't get over how cliché that made her feel, but also how warm and comfortable his smell did when she was upset. She knows now he didn't mean it the way she took it and glancing down at the 10 messages on her phone, they just prove how stupid and hot headed she'd been. Pulling into his driveway she hits the first message and hears everything she just figured out come rushing through the speakers in his hurried explanation. It cuts him off mid-sentence with a beep but the next message picks up with his rambling again. This time though it gets cut off with another call from him. She answers quickly out of habit, but clams up when she lifts it to her ear. What is she supposed to say? How does she fix this when she messed up this bad? What did she say to him when she left?

"Hey" she hears him say, and she hates the timid sound of his voice. She knows he's waiting for her to light into him and it makes her stomach drop to hear him so upset.

"Hey" she says, equally as timid. She can almost hear him relax over the phone but no one says anything else. She stares at his front door until her impatience gets the better of her.

"Are you still home?" She whispers.

"Yes."

"Can I come in?" She asks, finally feeling like she can breathe again. She'll have to get used to this dependency on him. Especially if she plans on being…his…forever. She puts the breaks on that thought. It's too much for this early in the morning. The front door opens and he steps outside phone pressed to his ear. He looks sleepy and sloppily dressed in just his sweat pants, but overall he looks like someone told him he had 24 hours to live. His eyes were red rimmed and the dark circles underneath did nothing for his normally beautiful green eyes. They stood there staring at each other for a second, both frozen in place before she heard him whisper "Always".

Her nose burns and her heart hurts but she holds back tears and she hangs up her phone and makes her way down the concrete path to the front door. When she gets to him she knows he's watching her face, judging his words and timing and she can see he's on edge. The corner of her eye releases the tear she's been holding back and then it's all over from there. She opens her mouth to explain, to say anything but the second she's within arm's reach of him he's got her held tight against his chest and her mouth no longer remembers how to for words. She sobs and he bends so that his head is close to her ear. "You never cry." is all he says and it's so normal and so him that she laughs and hits his bare chest weakly. He lets out a humorless laugh and holds her tighter rocking gently. "Please tell me I can fix this. That those aren't goodbye tears yet."

She nods against his chest and they're both quiet for a minute until she can pull herself together. "Yet?" she finally asks once she can speak but she hates the way her voice sounds. He's the only one who could ever make her this upset. She pulls away to wipe her eyes but he beats her to it, wiping them with gentle hands and looking so hurt and lost that they almost start again.

"I always end up messing shit up. I'm just waiting for the day that I lose you forever. Every second I get to be with you is the best thing I think I'll ever get. One day you'll realize the guys were right in high school. I AM an un-dateable looser."

"No you aren't." She says looking him in the eyes as he continues to wipe her tears away. "You won't lose me but I might lose you being stupid. I'm so sorry babe. I…" he cuts her off with a gentle kiss and presses his forehead against hers.

"I know. I'm sorry too. I know how you feel about being in dominant relationships and how much you hate to not be in control of things. I should have picked my words differently. I meant that I would do anything for you. That you're mine in the since that you're my everything. I didn't mean to say that…"

"Hey." She says pressing a finger to his lips. It was her turn to cut him off. "I know, I figured it out in the car. I over reacted. I know what you meant and how you meant it. Because you're mine. I'm sorry but if I'm yours then you're mine. We'll trade. You can have my heart if I can have yours."

His hands reach around her and pull her close again. "Cheesy." He says with a grin but she can see the relief and the respect he has for her in his face.

"Deal?" She says smiling back and finally feeling the weight of her body as it realizes it's 3:30 in the morning.

"Oh, deal. I need to snatch up that bargain before it's too late." He says and kisses her head.

"Oh okay whatever." She laughs. "Speaking of late though…"

"Yeah, let's get some sleep."


End file.
